Oh man/boy, if you want crazy, you want alternative medicine. A-hardy dee hah-ho hay. Yahoo! paves the way for you fat lards to detox from all that turkey you ate while the world went hungry. YOUR HOLIDAYS DESTROY THE EARTH.
Stuffed with stuffing, filled with turkey, crammed with cookies, and saturated with alcohol. Now what? Holidays call for celebration, and many of us know the consequences that come from overindulging in alcohol and food. Sometimes, despite out best intentions, we overdo it. This holiday season, detoxify and recover naturally with the tips that follow.
Yeah, recover naturally you drunken asshole.
Chinese medicine views proper digestion as the most essential component in living a long and healthy life. Your digestive function is made up of numerous organs all working together to break down, absorb, and process all of the nutrients in the food you eat. Without healthy digestion, you can become malnourished and toxins will build up in your body, leading to degenerative diseases and rapid aging down the road.
Indigestion is caused and made worse by overeating--especially rich, fatty, spicy foods, alcohol, coffee, and acidic foods. These remedies will get your digestion on the right track.
There's the buzzword! Toxins! All you need to say is "toxins" and people will buy whatever cockamamie bullsack you're hording. Damn Chinese.After a large meal, take a 10- to 20-minute stroll. Aside from the proven benefits to your heart, walking is the perfect gentle exercise for promoting digestion and encouraging cleansing of the lymphatic system. Walking helps food move along the digestive tract, improving digestion and absorption. For added benefits, walk while massaging your abdomen with your palms, in a circle around your belly button.
Haha
HAAHAAHAAAAA
Walk around your neighborhood, as children are out to play, and RUB YOUR GODDAMN BELLY LIKE A BUDDHA. AHAAHAHAHA. HELLO NEIGHBOR, I CANNOT WAIT TO MAKE BM
I'm going to skip a bunch.
These meals will help your body recover from overindulgence.
- Breakfast: Eat oat bran cereal, brown rice, or any other whole grain cereal (as long as it is unbleached and does not contain any added sugar or chemicals.) Pair with unflavored soy milk.
- Lunch/Dinner: Eat any combination of beans, brown rice, oat bran, vegetables, and organic chicken, turkey, or soy-products.
- For a powerful Super Cleanse Broth, simmer any combination of the following ingredients for an hour: collards, Swiss chard, kale, mustard greens, cabbage, dandelion, Brussels sprouts, daikon radish, watercress, seaweed, shitake mushrooms, cilantro, garlic, leeks, fennel, anise, fresh ginger, and turmeric. Drink 8 ounces twice a day.
- A popular herbal formula among my patients is Internal Cleanse, a special combination of natural herbs to detoxify, clear the mind, promote emotional balance, and ease digestion.
"Drink eight ounces of veja-poison and you will shit bricks." Dr. The Late Yokozuna
In my professional, riddled with lies opinion: "Turmeric" and "emotional balance" do not belong anywhere near each other. I've tumeric'd my brains out, and I need rehab for the rest of my stupid life.
Also, all of these tips are expensive and a waste of time. If you can't "clean yourself out" after eating a Thanksgiving dinner, you probably have no anus. You're a Cnidarian...and you LEARNED HOW TO READ. AHHHHHHHHHH
This movement is from Liver Cleansing Qi Gong, a body-mind exercise that was designed by ancient Chinese physicians to help stimulate the liver and drain the excess toxins from the body:
- Stand with feet shoulder-width apart in front of a tree. Inhale while raising your right leg and exhale while placing your right foot on the ground in front of you between your body and the tree.
- Inhale while raising both arms from the sides until they come together over your head. Exhale while lowering your hands in front of your face. Visualize green light running down your face as your hands move down to your chest.
- Inhale as you move your hands to the right rib cage over your liver. Exhale as you move your arms down your right abdomen and right leg, as if pushing down and out with your hands. Visualize the green light moving the toxins out of the liver, down the liver meridian on the inside right leg, and out the big toe.
The author is pretty much telling you to meditate. I doubt there's any scientific merit to suggest these actions improve liver function, but that's not stopping doctor mongoloid from making it internet-true. Alternative doctors really need not concern themselves with any of your doubt. YOU ARE BUILDING UP THE TOXINS YOU SKEPTIC EVIL SHAKRA KLUMBOOF.
Again, this is a "doctor" suggesting:
Visualize the green light moving the toxins out of the liver, down the liver meridian on the inside right leg, and out the big toe.
I visualized the turkey bolus going out my large intestine and into the toilet. That's right, I went with the toilet giggles. 11825code6@gmail.com
Now my big toe is just chock full of sumbitch toxins. I didn't visualize 110%.
I'm done. This guy's a joke. Yahoo remains forever worthless.


